I can tuck mytits in my pants
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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