I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
