i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
