So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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