His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
