rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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