last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
meet me or not, i'm out of control
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
