On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
