walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
