Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
