he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
