Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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