I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
my poor anus
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
