I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
