17 year olds will be the death of me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
