I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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