sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
