I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
