if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
no you cant smoke seaweed
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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