Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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