it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
