Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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