Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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