capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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