Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
