Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
