I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
