Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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