I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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