real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
