I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
