i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
