I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
