Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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