Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
