I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
