Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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