i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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