A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
