were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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