i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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