May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
