The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
