if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
40s are totally the cure
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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