At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
