Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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