So gin and wine won't be happening again
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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