Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
