I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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