RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
