can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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