You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
