the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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